1 item- I'll just self check.

Once again, I'm at SAMS club, on a weekend, with half the population of this city.

I only have 1 item ; I'll just self check out and avoid the mile long lines. 

Very brief wait there, all lanes open! I swipe my card and scan my bag of Avocados. Nothing.

I try again. Nothing.

and again.

and again. I've become one of those inept  self checkers that hold up the line and make the waiting shoppers start ripping out their hair plugs and making holes in their lower lips with their front teeth as they send dagger laced stares my way and proclaiming me an imbecile.

Reswipe the cards, exit the system and scan again. . . .nothing.
Apologize to the people waiting behind me. again, and again and again.

Mr. Man appears by my side. He grabs the scanner and tells me to watch what he's doing.  He scans the avocados. Nothing. He cannot fail....He is MR. MAN! 3 failed attempts.  He looks at the scanner device and proclaims it a piece of defective crap. "Guess you're out of luck. Let's go. Leave the bag"

Determined to finish out this one scan and do the unthinkable by asking for help.

I flag down the self check monitor lady, as Mr. Man refused to tap her on the shoulder or motion to her himself.  HELP and SOS! She comes over and starts explaining how to scan the correct way. I get the entire instructional inservice. She hands me the scanner to test my learning curve and I fail again. Now she is trying it. This goes on for what seems an eternity and I have motioned to the people in line behind me to ditch out and go left or right. The SAMS lady punches in various codes at snails speed, pushing numbers with deliberate pauses in between, until we get to a screen with pictures of fruits and vegetables and scrolls through every screen to show me the plethora of choices, until she finds the screen with avocado photos. She scans that and says, "See how easy that was! You just have to know the super secret by pass codes for fruit and veges!" 10 minutes later we are free. The line behind me is empty. I have been red flagged and closed down the lane. Total of  purchase. . .$4.75

If the avocados hadn't looked so beautiful and less than 75 cents each, I would have left them. I hope they're worth the trouble. I am tasting the guacamole already! "Que Bueno!"

Mr.Man's Guacamole Recipe

2 ripe avocados, peeled and cut up, lightly mashed.

Stir in the following:

2 Tablespoons sour cream

1/4-1/2  tsp diced  garlic (garlic powder can  be    substituted )

1/4  tsp seasoned salt

dash of ground black pepper

1/4  cup finely chopped onion

1-2   Tbsp Miguel Jr. hot sauce from Corona, Calif., or your own personal favorite to taste.

Put a saved avocado pit in the bowl to keep the guacamole from turning brown.

(stir in a little lemon juice if you want to keep it green overnight but it never lasts that long!)