"Oh hun, you've been dirtied. . . "

Having recently traveled by plane already this year, I have to congratulate myself for being such a calm traveler, despite my traumatic experiences at airports. Although internally, I am a knot of anxiety, outwardly I am calm. The picture of serenity.

Local Television news has nightly warnings about airline travel for the remainder of the year. . . . . and probably forever!. . . that security lines will be long and timely. What's new?  I don't think I've ever cruised through a TSA line in under 1 hour and now that its 2 hours plus long, well, I guess you'd better go to the bathroom, eat lunch and hydrate just before getting into the line. Once you're in it you're  committed!

Each time I'm getting ready to fly, I relive each bad experience and pray that I'm done with them and can fly in peace. Actually, only three of my nightmares happened on the plane, and the rest during pre-boarding and TSA lines. (This is when I could use a handful of anti anxiety meds.)

Very, very, fortunately, I have never been in a crash landing or in a hostile situation.

Preparing for more air travel in the coming months, I try to think positively about how to avoid airport problems. Some just are not preventable. Example. . . . .

I run to the restroom just before boarding the plane. I've got 5 minutes, tops. The plane has begun to board.

 In the bathroom stall next to me, a girl is vomiting and wretching. Poor thing. Hope she is done with her trip and send her sympathetic thoughts.

 I open my stall door and the girl is just coming out, turns around to return to the toilet, but vomits all over my feet and floor. Of course, I'm wearing sandals. I am dumbfounded.  I hear my plane is closing its doors imminently. Last call.  Running out of time! The bathroom attendant is right there STAT with a mop.

 She says,  "Oh, hun. You been dirtied! Let me help you with that."

 Grateful and thinking something the opposite from what happened next, she takes her floor mop, dunks it in the nasty bucket water used to mop up unmentionable nastiness, and proceeds to mop my feet. I am stunned. The horror of this ultimate contamination is inconceivable! Gagging, I push her away, and stumble to the sinks to wash my feet but I'm now hearing "doors closing, last call" for my plane.

 No time for a foot bath or shoe sanitization. I spot the paper towel dispenser and start waving my hands in front of it until I have a 5 foot strip. Run out of the bathroom for my flight trailing the paper towel like a white banner behind me.

Mr.Man hadn't boarded the plane without me but was seriously pacing as I ran up to the gate. We find our seats, buckle in and I remove my sandals to begin the cleanup process. Mr. Man shakes his head at me and says, "Why does this stuff always happen to you?"

Heck! I don't know, but the only solution is to amputate my feet, burn the shoes and hyperventilate. None of these options were viable so I cleaned up using my $4 bottle of water and my flimsy paper towel banner. I asked the flight attendant for a case of Handi-wipes, then fretted about the germs crawling up my legs  and soaking into my skin. 

Obviously, I survived . This wasn't my first vomit encounter on  feet, ( I am a pediatric nurse for cryin' out loud), but before I had actual shoes and socks on, with access to a shower and clean clothes! I tried my best to keep my toes spread apart so they wouldn't touch the others until my feet cramped up.  A nice foot bath would have been nice. Do they offer those in first class?

Oh the woes of travel. These little side adventures just keep it quirky and fun, right?  Now I carry extra shoes, baby wipes and hand sanitizer in my carry on. The sandals were tossed in the trash as soon as I accessed my second pair . I kept the feet.

Use this as a cautionary tale.  Get to the airport early. A whole lot early.

You never know what will happen before your seated on the plane.

 

No Exit

As usual, I have my most interesting adventures when I'm at the home improvement stores or at the market.

This day, I decide to shop high brow Organic Food store. I keep getting stuck behind a little Asian gal who pinches and smells all of the produce and pokes her finger into the rows of free range chickens on sale today. Not sure what good this does, but I follow her lead and poke mine too - Yup! It's dead.

I'm in a hurry today so I'm trying to avoid this gal and grab my stuff  around her. This is easy because she is so little and cute, but she is every where I need to be.

At the check out, I'm bagging all my choices into my canvas bags. Complimenting myself for remembering them in the first place and bringing the one with the stores happy logo on the front! How eco friendly of me!

Heading out the electric sliding store doors, I am blocked. My little shopping partner beat me out of the checkout stand. She is blocking the doors as she squats, surrounds herself with her many bags, and takes a cell phone call. She is having a full on conversation and doesn't seem to mind her imposition on others.There's no room to maneuver a cart out around her or walk around the barricade of bags.

There begins to be a backup of shoppers wanting to leave and also those who want to get inside. I wait a minute, trying to be patient, but this girl has slowed me up since I entered this store and I've tried to avoid her. Her tiny frame and dozens of canvas bags might as well be the Hulks and is now my prison. No exit here.

Looking around at the other people trying to get out and pleas of "excuse me",  "pardon me", "could you move aside?", all ignored by the squatting cell phone talker. It's time to make my move for freedom and escape. I jumped over a couple of bags and scooted the last one out of my way with my foot. Wow! Did I get a verbal lashing in a dialect that only meant "how dare you , you bitch!".  As she resumed a standing position still on her phone, her tirade continues but it really isn't taken seriously because she is speaking to my hip bone and every one behind her is now shoving her bags every which way so they can make their way out of the store.

There were quite a few retorts I had for the little menace chattering at me, but I could only think of one she might understand. Put my finger to my lips and said, "SHH!".

Escape successful. I put a card in the stores suggestion box for better store service.

"Dear store.... please post giant placard by exit that reads. . . DO NOT BLOCK EXIT
                                                                                           WITH PHONE SQUAT TALK
 

I'm off to visit my friend SAM with my bestie VISA

I'm off to visit with my friend SAM with my bestie, VISA.

Sam's is one of those warehouse stores where you feel extra special because you pay a hundred plus dollars a year for the privaledge to enter their store as an "exclusive club member", and buy toilet paper in a case of 70 rolls or a 25 pound bag of rice for a slightly reduced cost than what its sold for at the market.

There's an entry "guard" who checks you for a current Sam's club card  before you're allowed to grab a basket and to make sure there's no person sneaking in behind you without sufficient I.D. and laminated card! A "guard" is also stationed at the exit who glances over your receipt and marks a line through all the charges. This is so make sure that you haven't stolen any thing or to assure the checkers put through all the junk on the bottom of the cart and onto the receipt. You also get to feel very special again by standing in this line to be given permission to leave. Very much like security lines at the airport. 

The store doesn't have bags. Just as well because every thing there is sold in bulk and only 1 item may fit into a bag. If you're lucky, you find an empty box, not too big, because you can bet its going to be filled to the brim and you'll need a fork lift to get it out of the basket and into your car.

The last time I was at SAM's, the exit "guard" took my receipt from me and looked at my giant tote and cold storage bags zipped closed and proclaimed, "I don't do bags". Whatever. Kinda defeats the purpose of the check but it's no big deal. I know I'm not a thief, but I certainly didn't feel special! What if this was the day I began my criminal  life?

I also ran into an acquaintance there who came up to me and congratulated me on my retirement. I also congratulated him and find out he's there as an employee now to fill his boring retirement days with some kind of activity and a little extra cash. Hmmm. Good plan. I asked him what the job was? He brings in the baskets from the parking lot and helps people to their cars with big ticket and heavy items. I point to the 30 lb. of tri-tip and 50 lb. bag of dog food and ask if he's going to help me to the car?? Laughing, he says "No. It's more for like a couch or a pallet of soup."

Oh brother! I told him the bags were manageable but as usual, the checkers fill up your boxes until they overflow and then start balancing the rest of the giant containers of food on top of that. The dog food is balanced precariously on top of heavy detergent on the lower rack. I'm going to need a spinal replacement after unloading all my junk!

I really dread the trip to the SAMS alone. It takes longer to unload the cart into the car and from the car into the house and then trying to fit 3lb. bags of Cheetos and tortilla chips, ( enough to feed an elementary school), into the cupboard. And what do you do with the 6 dozen eggs and 2 gallons of milk? How many people live at my house? Why do we fall into the SAM's Club / Costco of excessive purchases? I saved $10 but will gain 10 lb. trying to eat through all the food that couldn't make it into storage spaces. Once you're in the store, you are sucked into the idea that over purchase and excess are the only ways to go. Besides, the store always stocks an item that you never thought you needed or wanted, or in most cases have never seen before. How did my children ever develop normally without the 8 foot square inflatable floating play island or a full sized movie popcorn machine? We love to float! We love popcorn!

I've said it before and now again. I hate to grocery shop and shopping in general. When I go I want to make it count and limit it to 1 store. I never purchase ice cream there because it only comes in giant boxes or huge plastic gallon containers that would never fit into my freezer. This day, I found juice bars. . . only 32 small ones in a sizeable box- but manageable. Of course, I start meeting people that I know and have to chat a minute, but I kept saying, "I've got to get going. I've got ice cream".

(Now I know an easy exit line everyone can identify with. . . and NOBODY  wants to see good ice cream bars melt!) After the third friend, second employee and the acquaintance who wasn't going to help me out of the store, I made it to the car with the ice cream, now doubting it was still a solid after out of the freezer a full hour and another 15 minutes until getting it home safely into mine.

Last chance enticement items line the exit . Just in case you thought, "Dang! THAT'S what I want!"

I passed on the Patio gazebo, the giant 4 foot wide  innertubes for wave riding, and the cases of Mikes hard Lemonades- Which I now regret! Hoping to not see the inside of a SAMS or a Costco for another month!

Ready for a hundred people for dinner and ice cream for 32. I should be good for at least a week.

Wait a minute. Is my work all done?

It's a regular weekday. I have the house back to myself and realizing this is the first time, really, since proclaiming myself retired.

It seems that life got more complicated as soon as I quit my full time job as a hospital nurse and clinic nurse.

Funny how life can change so quickly in ways you never imagined. I was feeling very depressed about my jobs and stressed out from them, along with every day life commitments, ailing  and elderly parents, etc...

My insides felt frayed and pulled to bits in too many directions. Something had to give and I decided life is too short to be treated like a piece of crap at the job, by people with little integrity, so I quit. After doing it for 35 years, I felt it was time and luckily I have a spouse who is younger than myself and can provide for us financially until I hit social security age.

So here I am. The clicking of the cuckoo clock and hum of the fridge is all I hear. There's no dogs barking, children outside playing or traffic today. It's almost like a scene from a murder mystery, so I've taken appropriate counter measures and bolted the windows and have honed my self defense moves. What to do now?

I'm in love with the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon. When I'm reading one of these novels, I feel as though I'm getting my moneys worth and have to actually use some reading glasses for the fine print.  Getting to page 558 has taken me 4 months with frequent interruptions and time constraints. Every time I pick the book up, I have to back up half a chapter to remind myself what's happening . It's such a good read, and knowing that I am only half way through the current book keeps me wanting more and more.  When I started the series, I had no idea I was signing on for reading 9 and possibly 10 of the books in the series. I'm hoping they don't spiral into stupid situations and ridiculous endings.

So, today, with my free time, am going to read as long as I can and catch up on what is happening to the heroines so when I watch the TV series, I'll know what's happening. . (and I have never watched a TV series that so closely follows its book story to the line!)

Certainly there's a ton of stuff that I should be doing, but today is going to be me self congratulatory day for doing my chores and providing clean living space for Mr. Man and the Captain.

The tea is done. Taking the pot and cup outside with my plate of mangos , cheese and triscuits.

It just doesn't get too much better than this!

The day just got better! The door bell has rung and there is the face of a dear friend I have missed and JUST in time for some tea with me in the garden. NOW its a perfect day!