It's breezy

It's breezy out today.  I'm trying to throw the ball for the Captain but the wind makes the ball  curve into the bushes with every toss. Switched techniques and tried rolling it down the sidewalk like a bowling ball. Even this is a challenge but for love of the dog, I persevere and try to get the ball as far as possible so he feels more challenged and satisfied about the retrieval.

As I ready for the long pitch, a plastic bag whips up out of no where and sticks to the side of my face. I'm slapping at it and trying to peel it off without getting any more of it into my mouth than necessary. Horror of horror! It has touched my lips and I feel the microbes crawling on my skin. I recall noticing a bag at the corner of the yard where every dog on its walk has relieved themselves.

Let the wetness on this bag just be dew and let the bag have only been used for fruit! Ugh! We are done playing outside! I have to decontaminate!

New standard for desserts and Midori

We had such a wonderful date night. How can you beat a lovely meal by the ocean, good company, wonderful food with a evening of culture and events to follow?

I was so proud of myself, ordering lean, 4 0z of steak with nothing but steamed veges and spinach for the sides. Note though that the meal was prefaced by a large Midori Collins, fried zucchini slices and a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast.

My friend "Polly" was daintily sipping her lemon drop martini while I was gulping my Midori and Mr. Man started on his second tall one of something brown. We toasted our good fortunes, and toasted along with the many other revelers celebrating a night out on the town.

Polly wanted desert so ordered the house specialty which turned out to be an evil, most delicious confection topped with whipped cream and peanut butter. It was supposed to be a "To Go" order for her Mr. Man. who missed dinner but we had to make sure it tasted as delightful as if looked and up to Mr. H-Man's standards.

My Mr. Man was going to decline his bite, but pounded on his belly to make sure there would be room and cleared space after a large burp. I pounded on mine too but knew there was plenty of cavity space left and Polly....well, she was down right evil for ordering it in the first place so now she can be called the evil twins name I carry. . . "Holly" and ate her bites without any belly pounding because she planned ahead to eat the evil before starting on ordering REAL food.

Dinner and dessert over I did a quick once over with my tongue across my teeth checking for spinach bits betwixt them. Did the snarl teeth bared grin to Polly across the table from me, but the lady seated behind her thought I was snarling at her and gave me a perturbed "HOW RUDE" look, then pointed to the right incisor.

The wait staff was attentive and kept our drinks filled and brought the to-go box for the peanut butter confection with DEATH scribed on its platter in chocolate\caramel syrup. As the bus -manly man took the empty platter after the taste session, I told him I was planning on licking it clean and to leave it. Cute, as he paused to set it down with apologies, then realized I was just messing with him. Caught the neighbor ladys eye again and her look of reviled disdain but I think it's because she only ordered the crème brule - I wiggled my nose at her and gave her the royal wave along with the royal thumbs up which was returned by a resigned nod.  I should have invited her over to our more jolly and fun table because hers was very rigid backed and proper.

Fun times, good memories and a new standard for desserts and Midori's to meet. It was a great date!

Mrs. Kravitz North....This is Mrs. Kravitz South

Here is my telephone conversation with my neighbor last night. Fairly typical exchange for us.

"Mrs. Kravitz North....This is Mrs. Kravitz South. Reporting on neighborhood activities on your side of the street. There are children running along the roof tops of the houses and they are preparing to leap across to yours!"

Mrs. Kravitz North is perplexed. "Why are they doing that?"

Mrs. Kravitz South - "It is my job to observe and report, not to determine the reasoning behind wild and unsafe behaviors. Please control your side of the street better."

Mrs. Kravitz North- "I'm going outside now. You are right. Those kids are on the roof. They are hiding from me. "

She waits the for the kids to expose themselves. They haven't developed stealth mode well. Now she is telling the kids this is unsafe behavior and where are their parents and do they know they are running along roof tops? The kids tell her yeah, dad knows and its okay. They are warned to stay off her roof and their own. . . it being a rental and all belonging to our friend.

I 10-4 ' over and out' after my report.

1 hour later. . .

"Mrs. Kravitz North, this is Mrs. Kravitz South.....Your tweaker next door to you is out and about with his pants cinched around his lower thighs and having a difficult time walking . He needs better boxer jockeys. He looks ridiculous! I think he may fall over onto your side of the lawn."

Mrs. Kravitz North says, "What is going on? Is it a full moon? Why can't these neighborhood people  just be normal?"

"Sorry Mrs. North. I think this is it for them. Welcome to the new normal. How is my side of the block?"

"I have nothing to report. All of the lights on your side are out. It's dark . We need night vision goggles."

Me - On it. Amazon.com has next day delivery. We will rendezvous at 2100 hours tomorrow.

Neighborhood watch is ramping it up!

Burning rubber

When my friend came by to drop off a DVD for me, accompanied by her daughter and their SUV full of cute babies, I had to go out and say hello. What a delight to begin the day with baby smiles . I stood at the curb gurgling baby talk to them and congratulating their mother on their charming personalities , then told their grandma thanks for the curbside DVD delivery and have a good day.

As my FRIEND stands beside  the SUV bidding me farewell  with smiles, love and sweetness, the ATTACK of the MUTANT JAPANESE BEETLE- part 3 occurs.

The horrid insect dive bombs me and swirls around my face banging into my eyebrows then landing on my head. Waiting for my FRIEND to swat it away, she has screamed at me and my "little beetle friend",  jumped into the car, and her daughter has jumped out , abandoning her children to the fate of the beetle attack thinking it had flown into her car.  Hysterical motioning to daughter by my "friend" to get back into the car quickly as all doors are slammed, locked, windows up and I am still standing there with the bug on my head and I am hyperventilating.

I'm sure it pooped on my head, or whatever a beetle does to express contempt. I shook my head back and forth enough to cause the world to spin and was brought to alertness by the screeching and smoking of tires as the SUV hi-tailed it away from me as fast as possible.

I got a glimpse of my "FRIEND" through the passenger window... wild eyed with teeth clenched as she sped off  down the street in nano seconds with her daughter who's foot was flooring the accelerator enough to burn rubber. It's a good thing those babies were strapped into car seats or they would have suffered whiplash or been thrown from the vehicle after their quick exit.

Don't worry about me though girls. I had to shampoo my head a hundred times to rid it of that creepy crawling feel and only have major PTSD from my third beetle encounter in less than 2 weeks!

Wearing a can of "Raid" as a new pendant now.

Happy Downpour!

 Thunder is rolling across the sky followed by torrential downpour with a temperature of 90 degrees. Is this really Southern California? The population is confused about how to react to this sudden change in weather. The emergency alert alarms are set off warning us of flash flooding and avoid hiking in dried up river beds. We are so used to having no water that the unexpected occurance is confusing . Face book is covered in rain photos and videos capturing this rare California event.

You would think there would be more people dancing in the rain and putting buckets, rain barrels  and wading pools out to save it to water the browned lawns and gardens. Mr. Man is gleeful that the rain is filling up our pool nicely after lowering the water level a little with a filter back wash earlier.

I took the opportunity to wash my SUV, wiping it down rapidly with suds and scrubbing it, then letting the leaking skies rinse it off. It already looks 80 percent better! My neighbors are perplexed that I would willingly get drenched to save a trip to the car wash and huddled under umbrellas in their bathing suits to watch me wash.

I drove to the market to pick up a couple of items and saw many people running with bags on their heads and some explaining to their small children that this wet stuff is called rain. Funny, but most of us are in our flip flops and shorts and I am dismayed to have to slosh through dirty asphalt water to get to the store doors.

I felt badly for the elderly couple with walkers and the guy in the wheel chair, huddled together in the stores entry safely out of the down pour, waiting for it to let up but 30 minutes later they were still there waiting, with longer to wait it out.

Like many, many others, my windshield wipers are long rotted off from lack of use and do a lame job of fighting off the water on the window so I can see out.

This is a lovely rainy day . Perfection if it was cooler outside and my drains were fur free in the backyard so the water would empty out. Hopefully, the downpour will put out the raging forest fires in the San Bernardino mountains and in Hemet. At any rate, it gives our lawns a much needed drink, our sidewalks a decent wash off and many puddles for the birds to bathe in.
 

Happy Downpour!

"Seems it never rains in Southern California,

Seems I've  often heard that kinda talk before,

It never rains in California,

But  girl don't they warn ya,

It pours, man it pours."

Looking at clouds

                                                                                                                                                                      I was out in the pool doing my laps followed by floating  on my back looking at clouds. This is one of my favorite activities. I'm a little bottom heavy, so I have to concentrate to keep the posterior afloat and mouth and nose above water so I don't actually drown. I have fallen asleep before but that lasted as long as it takes to gulp in water and choke.As I float around like this, I gain insight to all the worlds problems, pray, plan my next activity and visualize my house magically cleaned while I've been outside.

I'm minding my own business. Ignoring the phones, the barking Captain Morgan expecting me to give him my undivided attention and throw his Squeaking dumb-bell or frisbee, the shouting children next door and the squirrels arguing in the trees. After a decent amount of reflection and relaxation, my fingers are waterlogged and appear to be ready to slough off cuing me I've been in too long. Preparing to end my float time, I lift my head up a little to see if I can see my toes peeking out of the water and what to my horror is there on my stomach, using me for a sunbathing beach on its own personal  island? A Japanese Beetle!! I panic and sink my self, thinking this will break us apart, but it's awful spiny legs are stuck to my stretchy bathing suit and it just goes for a little dive under water. It looks up at me from its submersion and makes a face. I Swat at it while it's under water but it won't get off. We are stuck together. It begins walking upward and panic sets in.

Wishing now that I had a swim partner to help me escape this insect! As the beetle takes a couple of steps upward, it stops and I see its foot is still embedded in the stretchy suit fabric. Only one thing to do. . .

Abandon swim suit! 

It's off in a flash and flung out of the pool. I still feel the bug crawling on my stomach! I grab the discarded suit and start beating it on the ground, slapping it forcefully and leaving wet sloshy marks all over the pavement. I find a stick a poke gingerly at the swim suit.  Surely the bug isn't able to withstand a battle against a hysterical giant and a concrete beating.

Oh, but it did! The horrid thing Wiggles its butt at me, flexes the dents out of its wings and flies away. I'm certain its the same beetle I batted out of the yard last week with the skimmer net, or a close relative checking out my comfy yard as suitable habitat for its kind.

Not the peaceful, calm ending to a delightful float session.  Even writing this makes me a bit anxious. Warning to all you beetles - unless you are in a famous band and want to perform for me, BUG OFF!!

I really need gas!

The gas gauge was below the little red empty mark and the dash board digital display read 3 miles until empty. Berating myself for not getting the Expedition filled the day before when gas was 25 cents a gallon cheaper; overnight the cost has increased for whatever  reason. Today, the gas is  $3.89 /gallon.

Sam's gas, like Costco's, always undercuts their gas competitors by .01 or more than the non-club stations.

I exited the freeway toward home deciding to fill up there on the way by and find Sam's Club fuel is a whopping .03 cents cheaper. Missed the turn to go in so circled back. Made a wrong turn and missed the driveway again because I'm on a one way street.

I keep circling the dang station and circle again. Now my gas gauge is below the red arrow and I have 0 miles until empty. I really need gas!

I thought I was turning on the main road but ended up seeing SAM's club behind me now and wondering what the heck has happened to make it switch from one side of the road to another.

I regrouped at a red light and got the car pointed in the right direction. I'm committed now. There are no alternate options at this point and doubt the car would make it.

At the pumps , there are  lines of cars 4 deep. I pulled in behind a mini couper and a Nissan, and lucky for me they only hold 5 gallons of gas apiece and were done in minutes.

My gas cap is on the drivers side so I had to stretch that pump hose over and across and hold it in place with a little hip action while it filled. I was in a gauzy, flowy dress  and had to use both hands to hold the pump nozzle firmly into the tank hole. Of course, I get the only pump nozzle that's slow as molasses and the fill latch doesn't work to make it squeeze free.

A man with a pick up full of  Beagles is behind me and gets out to lean on his cab and water the panting dogs waiting in the sun. A gust of wind whips up my dress , slapping me in the face with it, giving the gas station crowd a little show.  The Beagles start barking at this, bringing attention to my billowing skirt to the dozens of waiting and bored drivers in our little area .

Now I am embattled with the pump, the tension stretched hose that kinks if I don't hold it outward, and my flying dress. I did a quick snatch at the dress mid air and tucked it's hem  between my kness to prevent another northern and southern exposure. 

My  "WHATEVER" face is on- as if apparel flying over my head is commonplace. I scowled at the barking Beagles to silence them, using my mind melding - psychic powers -  their owner  hasn't moved from his leaning position on the truck cab. He has been staring at me too long. I will him to turn around and look at the dogs. Neither scowl nor psychic mind power work.  Apparently I need to practice this more fervently.

I Hope my audience appreciated that my underwear matched my outfit  and that my leg strengthening exercises have paid off by using their iron clenched  hold on the billowing dress with knees and thighs.

I 'd like to think of it as my iconic moment like Marilyn Monroe's famous pose over the grill vent. I'll bet she never had to wrestle with a gas pump. We have one thing in common. . . . We are both blondish!