Thursday, June 7, 2018

You are summoned- Jury Duty

In this fine county in southern California, Jury Duty is required of any eligible citizen with a legal residency status , a drivers license, and/or registered to vote.
You are not expected to serve jury duty unless its been a year and a day since your last summons.
On that note, receiving the summons for jury duty was received with anything resembling fanfare, joy or applause.  In this day and age when REAL mail is rare- card, letter, gift certificate, free coupons- receiving an envelope with your name spelled correctly can cause the heart to flutter with joy.


Checking the mailbox at the curb, my heart did that little jump at the envelope appearing to be "REAL" mail. As I removed the envelope, and seeing the return address as the Riverside Superior Court, I heard an inner scream to leave the summons there and hope it got returned to the post office the next day! Grudgingly, I brought the envelope in. It sat on my kitchen counter for days before I even opened it. Nothing but bad news occupies that envelope! Through the plastic window of the envelope I can see the large words JURY SUMMONS.  Didn't I just serve on jury duty a few months ago? I remember that day vividly. How can it be my turn again? My last name begins with a  Z. Shouldn't I be chosen last??? I am for everything else!
Before opening the summons, I double check the dates of  my last jury service. Sure as I live and breathe, its been 18 months. Darn it! I tried to decipher what the dates of the summons were before opening it. Screams and cries of NOOOOO echoed in my head. There was nothing for it but to dive in and read the dang thing. I can't ignore it. I would be one of the prosecuted summoms evaders for sure. My luck runs that way.


First thing I verify is the dates. Yes, I am free those dates. DANG IT!!
I read the 8 reasons to be excused from Jury Duty. No to all of those. I'm able bodied and mentally stable. Though many people would beg otherwise, I'm qualified.  I can't lie. I'm stuck.
Marking the date on my calendar in blood red with skull and cross bones, I admit, I'm bitter. My free time is valuable to me. I do not like to drive on the freeway in traffic and search for legal parking around the court house. The whole judicial process is as slow as molasses, and inefficient with time management.


The day arrives. I haven't slept all night . I am stressed out. Certainly that will be obvious enough to excuse me from the court room. Who wants a sweaty old woman serving on their jury?
I need to add that I get called to Jury Duty every 18 months to 2 years ad I have been on a jury many times. Shouldn't that be a reason to drop my name from the Jury Pool list? I'm used up and tainted. I have friends who have NEVER been summoned for jury duty, even though they would enjoy the experience and have been licensed drivers and voters for decades! Tempted to send a list with their names and addresses to the County Clerk for future summons if they could drop mine.
I do believe in a fair trial, innocent until proven guilty and due process of the law. A jury of peers to hear your case is promised. Well, trust me, I have yet to serve on a jury and consider myself the defendants "peer".  My peer group are upstanding , law abiding citizens who do not rape and pillage innocent people, sell drugs or rob banks, assault people with vehicles , or stab their friend the gangster in the name of their "hood".  Perhaps because I live in a questionable "Hood" this makes me a peer ?
Waiting in the line to enter the courthouse at 7:30 a.m., its a somber day out, drizzling and cold and here I am with no sweater and no umbrella.
The long list of prohibited items was posted clearly long before the line got to the front doors. Listed was the obvious. . . firearms, blades, sharp pokey objects, sprays. Also on this list is liquids and food. It was the TSA list of no-no's.
A woman leaving the building asks the line to  excuse her as she cuts through it and heads for the planter by the building to retrieve her bottle of "perfume" and lip gloss. This causes a stir with the ladies surrounding me who are horrified that their makeup may be considered contraband or an illegal court substance. They begin to raise their objections to be heard by the sheriff guarding the doors in between gulping down their oversized Lattes and cylinders of green tea. They are most vocal about being forced to stand outside and suffer in the 60 degree weather, which is ruining their hair. (perhaps they could have found a can of hairspray in the bushes hidden amongst the discarded lighters, pocket knives and fingernail clippers. )


I kept to myself throughout the entire day. The only words I uttered were "Here" twice. I was called to  report to a jury room, only to be dismissed at the last minute. You didn't have to tell me twice that my service was over for a year.  Relief and overwhelming joy at this new good fortune. See Lori run. Run Lori Run! Home before the traffic , home in time to start dinner and home without worrying over the fate of some unfortunate individual who made poor choices in life, leaving chaos in their wake for their victims and feel they shouldn't be forced to pay for their mistakes. 


I've done my civic duty.
Hoping I am done for at least 2 years for next go around.
I'm doing my best to stay out of trouble with the law!















Monday, May 7, 2018

Wedding survival- Round one and two

Congratulations to my husband and I!



When we started our family, we knew we had some milestones to celebrate in the decades to come.
First birthday parties, music recitals,  High school graduations, college graduations, empty nest. Raising a family in these days has become a navigational nightmare. You push the children to succeed, be independent and start their own families, all the while desiring them to stay put, never move further than a half day drive, be financially stable, and always want to spend time with their mom and dad over their own friends.



We have survived the marriage of both our daughters, less than 6 months apart.
Waiting and waiting and waiting years for at least one of them to commit and get married, and they both decide to do it months apart. At least it was in two different years!


During the planning months for the weddings,  I never expected the children  to do anything traditional or impulsive, and I have tried very hard not to badger them into something they weren't ready for.  Marriage is a serious partnership . The person you marry is about to become your closest next of kin and family. (here's the prod to start producing grandchildren for us my girls).
Each daughter has her own opinion as to what marriage is to them. They also had their own vision about what kind of wedding they wanted. The men in their lives are as different as a strawberry and a radish.  No surprise to find out they were on opposite ends of the spectrum as far as wedding ceremony and celebration, but in the end, I think they each had just about the most perfect of days representing their personalities that could be had.



I have to admit, Mr. Man and  I got off easy as far as financial burden for a wedding and reception for both the girls. There was a whole lot of planning and logistical maneuvering to pull both weddings off  on opposite sides of the United States, but we did it.
Half of my house was loaded into a moving truck to take to #1's wedding in northern California.
Her wedding was in Trinidad , where the Redwood Forest meets the Pacific Ocean. A non- traditional, outdoor ceremony , where bare feet were perfectly acceptable and sun block essential.
Number 2  married across the states in Pensacola , Florida and overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. A very traditional church wedding, formal attire required and heavy duty hairspray necessary.
 The irony was not lost on us. 


Mr.Man and I are very fortunate to have two daughters who are not drama queens, shy away from being the center of attention, and live within their means, and respect that their parents do the same. We are not a family of excessive fortune or boastful, prideful people. The girls planned their weddings based upon their individual personalities, and what would make the day special for them. Again, this made our situation so much easier when it came to wedding planning. We were not mortgaging the house to pay for anything.


I used to set up wedding receptions for a catering company. I've seen it all and felt as though I was prepared for disasters and set backs. No wedding is complete without something going awry.
I was prepared for family drama, anxiety attacks, wardrobe malfunction, catering problems, and well meaning guests doing rude or obnoxious antics,.  Throughout both of our daughters events, we suffered high blood pressure, flu, shingles, and gastrointestinal problems.
I had packed an arsenal to deal with any setback that I could think of for both weddings.
We ran out of food.
We had too much food.
We had the wrong food.
We had no plates for food at one wedding and no forks.
Guests got lost or missed the wedding all together due to weather.
Reservations were lost by hotels and rentals.
Floral arrangements were delivered to the wrong place at the wrong time.
Hair and makeup is over rated.


Now that its all said and done, I feel as though I can impart some pretty sound advice to the parents of engaged couples and the wedding party.


Here's what I learned. . . . .



1. Don't try to control every second of the days surround the wedding event.



2. Always have a friend you can count on to help out in case of disaster, even if they are wearing their Sunday best and high heels!



3. Reassure  the bride, that at the end of the day, no matter what, they are going to marry their best friend and partner.



4. Do not go broke or in debt to pay for any thing, and keep in mind that money will fly out of your wallet the day before and day of the wedding to "fix" any problem or issue. If you spent all your money beforehand, there won't be any left over for a "fix"!



 5. If you're trying to impress friends and family with the cost of the wedding, they won't be. .
 


6. Accept that your child is marrying into another family. You don't have to be best friends with the in laws and outlaws. You DO have to be respectful of them and encourage a peaceful blend of the families. Your child is going to make their own traditions with their spouse. FACT



7. Learn the lyrics to "Let it Go" and make it your mantra.



8. It doesn't matter what any of the guests think. It's not their party. Do not be afraid to tell anyone to stay home if they cannot be supportive of the newlyweds. (this would include close relatives too!)



9.  Wear comfortable shoes, even if they are flip flops.



10. Don't forget to kiss your own spouse and thank him/her for the day.



11. Tell your child how much they are loved and how happy you are that they are happy.



12. Pause often throughout the day and make a memory moment. Pat yourself on the back for getting through it all.



13. When things don't go quite right, smile and nod. The day will go on. All eyes are not watching every little nuance of the day. Whatever happens will probably not even be noticed. . . and if it is, own it, apologize if necessary and continue on. If the people at the wedding are judging you, well, lets just quote back to them, "Judge not lest thee be judged." 
 



14. Pray. Thank God for the blessings of the day, the good and the bad, the memories and the opportunity to gather many people to celebrate and acknowledge the birth of a new family unit.





Yes. We survived. I feel as though I should get some sort of framed certificate for doing it twice in less than a year.  It seemed so important to focus on wedding plans constantly and now that its over, the wedding is barely mentioned.  I'm glad we didn't outlay the family fortune for the event. My gladness is my children have happy unions. May they last for their lifetimes and experience their own milestones with as much joy as their parents  have.









Friday, February 9, 2018

Clean car with a belly full of fuel

It's time to wash your vehicle when you pretend its an abandoned auto that somebody just left in your driveway. After winter wet weather followed by unseasonably hot dusty winds, my FORD  Expedition is a mess!
I have to shrug myself into the seat to avoid mud-dirt-yuck contact at the entry point.
  Unable to see out the windshield, I used the last of my washer fluid to clear a smeared half moon rinse across the glass. The filth factor has reached the intolerant point. Found in the unexpectedly clean beverage cup holder, is the receipt from the Expeditions last spa day, dated November 3, 2017. The wash cost almost $40. Today, I don't have $30- $40 for the car spa. I used the last of my dollars for a Band-Aid to cover one of the holes in my bleeding out stock account and a diet coke. I decided to turn to my friend VISA to pay for the wash, and as I drive up to the car wash, the line has 20 vehicles ahead of me and a 2 hour wait. No to that. That's as appealing as waiting for hours at the DMV.  I don't recall this wash doing a particularly good job any way, and have had many unsavory encounters with the staff- and doubt that today will be different.

  It's a warm, sunny day in Southern California. Unseasonably warm for mid February. While the rest of the country is suffering from below zero weather and blizzards, its short sleeves and flip flops here.  Arriving home, I plant the Expedition on the front lawn and decide to wash this beast myself. I have done it many times. A wholesome and productive activity and the lawn needs water anyway.

Assembling  and dusting off the cleaning supplies, the car washing process begins. The neighborhood children, prone to curiosity and musings about what this old girl does all day, suspend their skateboarding and ball play to assemble on the side walk- asking the obvious, " Are you washing your car?" and "That's good. It's really dirty.". Its as if they've never ever washed a car before. (and you know, I don't think they have!).

I felt hopeful to see the mud and dirt slide from the car, revealing its navy blue finish and previous shined chrome accents. Humming with satisfaction, and scrubbing away at the caked on dirt and bug , I accidently step on the hose nozzle, catching it under the flip flop strap and am sprayed full throttle in the face and legs in frigid water. Unable to detach, I kick away the shoes, slip on the lawn and slide under the car, still being sprayed  by the damn hose.
While hose wrangling under the car, I see that the undercarriage is caked in mud, so I attempt to direct the water spray in that direction, but forget to close my mouth. How many bacterium do you think live in freeway mud and muck?
 Miffed at being assaulted with my own garden hose, I brush dripping hair out of my face, reach for the car shammy and start drying off as well as I can. My shirt is hanging on me. I am NOT wet T-shirt competition worthy. Hoping that the sun will blaze me dry in seconds, I continue my task, all the while knowing watchful eyes from various living room windows are registering my plight and realize timing this while the Ellen DeGeneres show was on would have been smarter. Thankfully, the children had dispersed after their insightful observations, so I did not have to contend with any more of their suggestions .
  Dripping, soggy, muddy and now cold, my quick little car wash has turned into an hours long affair. Regretting that I didn't call Isaac at NEXT LEVEL CUSTOM CLEANING to come to my house and make all this happen without asking me to lift a finger .

2 1/2 hours later, I am done. The car looks so much better.
 No longer a shame driven in public.
No more bug carcasses pasted on with mud.
I can see clearly through the windows. Patting myself on the shoulders and thankful I didn't break a leg or hip crawling around on the ground.


Mr. Man arrived home just as I slapped the car with my seal of approval. He takes a look at me and proclaims me a dirty, wet mess. He's careful not to state the obvious, like, "why didn't you take it to the car wash?  Satisfied at a job well done,  I have a clean car, it has a belly full of fuel and the cup holders are ready for the next big outing.  I'm READY!