Congratulations! You get a car! And YOU get a car!

It was time to buy a new car.

Our Honda Accord had over 200,000 miles on it, cracked leather seats, and the typical oxidized paint green paint job that this year of Honda seemed to suffer from.

The car groaned and sputtered into the garage for it's last night of sheltered rest.

Mr. Man proclaimed it unsuitable and unreliable for the daily work commute and not surprisingly, had already picked out the Honda's successor and had arranged for it's purchase!

Having no input into which new car to buy didn't even phase me. It won't be my car, and I won't have to drive it, service it or maintain it. The only purchase condition I suggested would be passenger comfort.....something the Honda had lost long ago and had morphed itself into a torturous ride for any passengers- affirmed testimonial to this by several persons traveling in the vehicle within the last decade.

Within a day of declaring the Honda trashed and unsuitable, I found myself sitting in the Acura Dealership, listening to the list of awesome gizmos and gadgets that are available for this century's car.....how could I have possibly been able to exist without it all???

I went along on the test drive. Not required, but asked to go along so I would know how comfort affected me.

I didn't find it all that comfortable. For the hefty price tag this car sported, I should feel as though I'm riding on a cloud. Speaking out about this, I was quickly shut down by Mr. Man. It didn't matter. This was it. This was the car he was going to have and it didn't matter how I felt about it. Salesaman senses my aversion to the car and focuses all his attention on Mr. Man and his comfort!

As my signature, credit rating, money or other input didn't matter, I offered no other comment.

Soon, I was sitting in the backseat of our new car. The car salesman was kind and knowledgeable. We were receiving the tutorial required before driving away with the machine.

The dashboard was lit up like a rocket ship. I inquired about the key. . . no "key" but there's a big red button. I listened intently as the salesman went through each computerized system.

I knew I was in trouble when I asked about the cup holders.. . . . all the rage back in 1998. I didn't see ANY for the back seated passenger needing to rest the cup. The salesman told me to pull down on the middle of the seat to release the arm rest where two cup holders were located. I started pulling, and peeling, and scratching to no avail. He ended up reaching back there with his super long flexible arm and pointing to exactly where to pull. Success for me, but then I felt like an idiot. How am I supposed to operate this car when I can't even deploy its cup holder? I am in big trouble!

The tutorial lasted an hour. I drank 2 liters of water and  listened to the last of my brain cells sputter out cold and dead while trying to process all the incoming info.  The dash board display was full of numbers and symbols. Did I spot Martian symbols on the side dash? I think I'm going to need a specialty degree in physics and higher thinking mathematics. Time to start binge watching the BIG BANG theory on TV.  I see numbers and I shut down!  The salesman, obviously unimpressed with my dismal cup holder deployment, had now centered all of his attention on Mr. Man, who was being an excellent pupil- having researched, downloaded and memorized the entire owners manual for the Acura. I started wondering if there was some sort of examination after the tutorial and only high scorers would be allowed to own such  a marvel of the car world?  Only a brief thought because , really, the salesman would probably have let us take the car no matter what after signing on the many lines and incurring a monthly car payment that has been missing from our budget for a decade!

We've been on 2 long rides since the car came home last week. No, its really not cushy awesome comfort but its a huge improvement over the Honda. We can go 0-100mph in under 5 seconds and flight achievement at 200 mph. (That flight mode will be useful in the constant So. Cal traffic). The satellite radio offers a plethora of tunes and station choices and best of the best, the seat is both air conditioned and heated- doubting the heater will ever be activated for my hind end. (When you're hot, you're hot!). So many awesome features.  Mr. Man could become a living commercial citing the car's attributes. It could be his retirement career. How have we managed to travel or drive before this car?

For me. . . . I like my car key. It's largish, at 3 inches. It's my weapon and self defense while walking to the car, soda can opener, car locator, and I like to actually stick it into the ignition and turn it. I've used my car key for so many things other than turning over the engine. What am I supposed to do with a cube covered in symbols? a KEY has gouging and scaring capability. The cube. . . maybe a little bruise but nothing permanent.  Yes, I've driven the new car. Yes, its quiet and smooth and I can't tell if the engine is on or not except that the wheels keep going around.

Give me a little pick up truck any day. THAT is a useful vehicle and I'm waiting for my 1944 Chevy truck to appear in the garage soon! Until then, welcome me into the 21st century , keyless entries and dealing with weird lights and arrows pointing every direction on the dash!