Arm Wars

Please sit down and enjoy the show....................

We enjoy live theatre and have season tickets to a world class playhouse.  Not only do we have a set date every 2 months, but something we both like . This months production of West Side Story was long anticipated and looked forward to.

We sit in the same seats for each performance. The seats were chosen for their location and position in the theatre where we could enjoy optimal viewing of stage and sound.

As we entered our row, Mr. Man noticed our seats were missing or occupied. It was a sold out performance, and we knew we were in the correct row. There were only two seats open, so I told him to just sit down, these were fine and there was no reason to make everybody start checking seat numbers and readjusting.

The woman sitting next to me asked if there was a problem? I told her  , "No, just a seat number confusion but its all good".  As we took our seats, the woman occupied the entire armrest and was seated , turned to her right and leaned over into my space as if she was seated on a lounging couch. Obviously, she has not been schooled in arm rest or seat etiquette?

As I sat down, her large purse/bag was in my foot space. I nudged it with my foot back into her space.

"THAT is a Gucci" she said. Whatever. Gucci was out of bounds and I flash her my winning smile and shrug.

Ironic that we are at a production featuring turf wars and lost love . 

 As the Jets and the Sharks start performing their sinister fight dance and finger snapping, I am engrossed in the arm rest war to my right. There is no way I am going to tolerate this woman leaning on me and dominating the arm rest for 2 full hours. I've done this dance before and no way will she win against my 100lb. body weight advantage against her glammed up figure and stick arm.

  We begin our silent war. Shoulder to shoulder, arm to arm, the gentle pressure to push each other off began. I made a sudden jerky move with my shoulder, disguising it as a shocked laugh,  which caused her to change position- and in the split second her arm was off the rest, I moved in and clutched to it like a star fish on rock.

She made the sucking -seething sound with her teeth. I could feel her anger and resentment. Guess we're not going to be Besties.

I'm not sure if she was trying to punish me for sitting in the wrong seat or because her Gucci got the nudge. Regardless, she was ticked and it was eating at her. There was palpable annoyance emanating from her. Maybe she was an aspiring Thespian who didn't get cast in this play?

 I really didn't care too much about the arm rest after a while, because I leaned to my left onto Mr. Man and we cuddled throughout the rest of the first Act. Her "hmphf's" were only a source of amusement to me.

At intermission, most of our row of 60 left for the lobby. I opted to stay, and solve our seat mystery. Noted our seats were number 24 and 48 and out of sequence with the rest of the row. Obviously, something loathsome had happened to our original seats since we visited them in March, and these were their replacements. Mystery solved. Same location, different seats. Mr. Man was reassured upon his return. I remained standing to let the other patrons pass and sit down. My neighbor and her girl friend were returning, but changing tactics on the war front. She switched seats with her larger than me friend. Usually, big girls try to shrink themselves to occupy less room. This girl was going for the opposite. She too, leaned to her left, her shoulder now fully in my seat territory and her arm too! Another designer bag was also at my feet.  This tactical move didn't even faze me.

 I waited for her to settle in, sat down on top of her arm and kicked her purse aside toward her friend two seats over.

I don't think the girl was too vested in the arm rest war. She gave it up  pretty quickly, and leaned over toward my former neighbor. I may have smelled fear, but I know she was getting sweaty leaning against my overheated body.

Mr.Man and I  thoroughly enjoyed the remainder of the show.

 Although there was theatrical bloodshed and woeful singing, I realized there is a "Time for Us" and I'm part Jet and Shark, and no actual blood was let between me and the Seat Fighter.

There was no sorrowful good byes between any of us as we left the show. We can only hope these are not the season ticket holders for those seats for next season.

Until next time, I'll keep practicing my sinister finger snapping and the "Gucci Kick".... just in case!

Congratulations! You get a car! And YOU get a car!

It was time to buy a new car.

Our Honda Accord had over 200,000 miles on it, cracked leather seats, and the typical oxidized paint green paint job that this year of Honda seemed to suffer from.

The car groaned and sputtered into the garage for it's last night of sheltered rest.

Mr. Man proclaimed it unsuitable and unreliable for the daily work commute and not surprisingly, had already picked out the Honda's successor and had arranged for it's purchase!

Having no input into which new car to buy didn't even phase me. It won't be my car, and I won't have to drive it, service it or maintain it. The only purchase condition I suggested would be passenger comfort.....something the Honda had lost long ago and had morphed itself into a torturous ride for any passengers- affirmed testimonial to this by several persons traveling in the vehicle within the last decade.

Within a day of declaring the Honda trashed and unsuitable, I found myself sitting in the Acura Dealership, listening to the list of awesome gizmos and gadgets that are available for this century's car.....how could I have possibly been able to exist without it all???

I went along on the test drive. Not required, but asked to go along so I would know how comfort affected me.

I didn't find it all that comfortable. For the hefty price tag this car sported, I should feel as though I'm riding on a cloud. Speaking out about this, I was quickly shut down by Mr. Man. It didn't matter. This was it. This was the car he was going to have and it didn't matter how I felt about it. Salesaman senses my aversion to the car and focuses all his attention on Mr. Man and his comfort!

As my signature, credit rating, money or other input didn't matter, I offered no other comment.

Soon, I was sitting in the backseat of our new car. The car salesman was kind and knowledgeable. We were receiving the tutorial required before driving away with the machine.

The dashboard was lit up like a rocket ship. I inquired about the key. . . no "key" but there's a big red button. I listened intently as the salesman went through each computerized system.

I knew I was in trouble when I asked about the cup holders.. . . . all the rage back in 1998. I didn't see ANY for the back seated passenger needing to rest the cup. The salesman told me to pull down on the middle of the seat to release the arm rest where two cup holders were located. I started pulling, and peeling, and scratching to no avail. He ended up reaching back there with his super long flexible arm and pointing to exactly where to pull. Success for me, but then I felt like an idiot. How am I supposed to operate this car when I can't even deploy its cup holder? I am in big trouble!

The tutorial lasted an hour. I drank 2 liters of water and  listened to the last of my brain cells sputter out cold and dead while trying to process all the incoming info.  The dash board display was full of numbers and symbols. Did I spot Martian symbols on the side dash? I think I'm going to need a specialty degree in physics and higher thinking mathematics. Time to start binge watching the BIG BANG theory on TV.  I see numbers and I shut down!  The salesman, obviously unimpressed with my dismal cup holder deployment, had now centered all of his attention on Mr. Man, who was being an excellent pupil- having researched, downloaded and memorized the entire owners manual for the Acura. I started wondering if there was some sort of examination after the tutorial and only high scorers would be allowed to own such  a marvel of the car world?  Only a brief thought because , really, the salesman would probably have let us take the car no matter what after signing on the many lines and incurring a monthly car payment that has been missing from our budget for a decade!

We've been on 2 long rides since the car came home last week. No, its really not cushy awesome comfort but its a huge improvement over the Honda. We can go 0-100mph in under 5 seconds and flight achievement at 200 mph. (That flight mode will be useful in the constant So. Cal traffic). The satellite radio offers a plethora of tunes and station choices and best of the best, the seat is both air conditioned and heated- doubting the heater will ever be activated for my hind end. (When you're hot, you're hot!). So many awesome features.  Mr. Man could become a living commercial citing the car's attributes. It could be his retirement career. How have we managed to travel or drive before this car?

For me. . . . I like my car key. It's largish, at 3 inches. It's my weapon and self defense while walking to the car, soda can opener, car locator, and I like to actually stick it into the ignition and turn it. I've used my car key for so many things other than turning over the engine. What am I supposed to do with a cube covered in symbols? a KEY has gouging and scaring capability. The cube. . . maybe a little bruise but nothing permanent.  Yes, I've driven the new car. Yes, its quiet and smooth and I can't tell if the engine is on or not except that the wheels keep going around.

Give me a little pick up truck any day. THAT is a useful vehicle and I'm waiting for my 1944 Chevy truck to appear in the garage soon! Until then, welcome me into the 21st century , keyless entries and dealing with weird lights and arrows pointing every direction on the dash!

Happy Spring, 2017

Oh yay!

Spring is here!

The sun is high in the sky and daylight savings makes the day last even longer.

It's time to herd the blooming flowers into submission to stay within the garden borders and train the many vines to climb where they will be the most appealing and beneficial.

The ancient grape vines that rotted and harbored some deadly bark disease, were cut back to their very nubs last fall and have come back to life heartier and greener than ever, already covering the garden trellis and showing a hint of fruit production, which has only happened twice since they came to live in my garden!

I'm not a gardener, or a farmer. I just don't have what it takes to make a fine looking garden and productive vegetable plot. I'm more of a garden trainer. I tell the plants to grow, clip their leaves and stems when they get brown and provide a little water.

I like to look at fine gardens and visit nurseries where plants seem so inviting and  lovely, but my head just doesn't have the imagination or the motivation to make an awesome garden. I'll just stick with my little tiny secret garden that can only be seen outside from the guest bathroom window. When that little plot of garden looks bad or dying off, I can lock the  window and nobody is the wiser. 

I was observing a the flowering Jasmine vine planted across the back wall. It had gone beserk and was vining its way up the telephone pole and various trees overhanging my back wall. It had also grown through the decorative holes of the top brick and was reaching out a good 4-5 feet into my neighbors yard who just had his yard re-landscaped. It was surprising he hadn't had his gardeners cut the vine back off his side of the wall. I decided to be the good neighbor and take care of it for him.

Keeping in mind that I am a senior and a little bouncy in various places, I balanced on top of a stump to reach up and over the wall and clung to the top brick with one arm , brandishing garden shears in the other. The vine was a good 1/2 inch thick in many places so I wrapped it around my arm for additional support . This worked well until I cut through my vines base unknowingly and crashed into the flower bed. Marred in places I had never messed up before, I continued my task of removing the vine and filled all the green waste bins, trash bins and buckets with the clippings. Gazing over the wall, I was satisfied with my work and glad to have rid the neighbor of the vines protruding every which way along his entire walled backyard. Cleaning myself up was a hapless job, covered in vine sap and bloody scratches, giant blobs of muck and Lord knows what in my hair. I started the pre-clean process in the outdoor shower, stripping down to the jog bra (never been jogging by the way) and the short shorts under the jeans. Just as I finish washing, I hear the neighbors and their children come out to their yard. I hear , "Oh no! Look at this! What has Happened?!"  The wife is tsking and claiming its a shame, now they have to look at the bare pink brick wall. "Now we'll have to pay to have even more plants put in! "

I kept quiet and slinked into the house. Apparently, when they had their yard landscaped, they had concrete patio poured all the way to their wall edge, leaving no dirt planter or planting space along most of that wall. They had counted on me leaving my wild jasmine taking over and creating a blooming green cover for them also. I guess this might have happened if they had let me know, but I certainly can't undo what I've done, and my side looks fabulous with the vine design intended for the wall.

Licking my wounds and  scrubbing sap  off my shoes and clothing could have been totally averted with a little forewarning.

The gardens are looking well. The seeds planted.... not so well. They don't seem to be sprouting so apparently I've poisoned them before they got started. We'll give them another try and then I'll focus my efforts on the living. Armed with garden scissors and a bucket, the yard is now back to manageable by myself. This gives me extra time to read by the pool and  smell the herbs and citrus which are planted throughout the yard. It gives me time to reflect on my many, many blessings, one of which is to be able to have my own yard and gardens.

I thank God for blooms, hummingbirds, garden lizards and butterflies, all of which have doubled in number now that their garden is cleaned up and there is new dirt and feeders to play in.

I hope you will find your little piece of garden and have a relaxing day, and enjoy a good book!
Happy Spring, 2017

Scowling, Puffy red jacket

Recently, Mr. Man and I were on a vacation in beautiful Lake Tahoe.
Our room was on the top floor of the resort, and provided an excellent view of the lake, mountains and forest. The elevators were being serviced, but there was one central elevator still working, and usually had no wait, even though it had to come to the 6th floor.

We were ready for a day out and about and stood waiting expectantly for the elevator. We could hear a commotion and screaming from below, followed by the fire alarms. Assessing our nearest escape route, the alarm ceases and the elevator doors open.

A 3 year old boy, wearing a bright red, puffy down jacket complete with hood,  comes bursting out and is dragged back in like a bouncy red ball  on a rubber band by his mother.

She is a MOM.

She has those long, extendable rubber arms and lightning reflexes only a seasoned mother develops. She has 2 other boys in the elevator with her, each a little older than her youngest, also dressed in the family uniform of the day. . . puffy red hooded jacket which makes the boys look three times their normal size with snow pants and boots. These two are tucked quietly into the corner of the elevator with backs up against the wall, lips sealed , hands at sides. Their brother, who had been dragged back into the elevator and now has his back against the wall with mothers hand across his chest, is scowling.
Mom apologizes to us as we board, and explains they had a bit of a scuffle on their way up to their room, and her son pulled the fire alarms.

The "glowering scowler is looking at Mr. Man and I. " ( He'll have to manage a worse look than that to frighten us.)
I look him in the eye and said, "Did you pull the fire alarm?"
He nods, yes.
I ask, "Was there a fire or an emergency?"
He says, "nope"
Mr. Man eyes him. "You never pull the alarm if there is no fire or emergency. That is bad . "
Mom nods, and says, "Yes. Very bad!"
We arrive on the ground floor. The Scowler looks up at us and says, with teeth clenched,  "Yeah, but I  wanted to see a fire truck and a fire. "

Mr. Man and I exit to outside. We look at each other. . . . both of us have clenched teeth and say,
"I just wanted to see a fire truck".

I'm also laughing because, really, who doesn't like to see a fireman on a firetruck?

I'd like to meet the Scowler again in 20 years to see if he's become a fireman or a Pyromaniac!

"Its a Blustery Day" with the Santa Ana winds!

There's nothing like living with the Santa Ana winds!

Wind gusts through our valley, toppling trees recently weakened by the foot of rain over the last week.


Everything has to be anchored down, and if it isn't , well, away it goes. My large patio umbrella, although collapsed and strapped, has taken the trip over the fence, along with various towels and patio cushions. It's curious how all the leaves in the neighborhood seem to find their way the opposite direction, creating a trashed and debris littered back yard- most of it landing in the pool!




I've had to bring down the American Flag as I watched it get whipped into shreds as it battled to stay erect in the wind. There is a loud thud somewhere on the property. After inspection, I see no outward signs of damage, but there is certainly something broken. Loud thuds can only mean issues to fix.




 Skin moisturizer and chapstick soak into the skin like water into the cracked desert floor.
Forget the hair. Geesh! What a waste of time! Trust me, there was some sort of style on my head earlier in the day, I just don't have any documented proof of it.

There is a plus side, though. Brushing the dog outdoors, the fur flies every which way and over the roof....which I later found out landed in the pool creating another chore for me!  The Captain is very fluffed now and substantially thinner due to his coat stripping. I seem to be wearing more than a fair share of the flying fur.

It's a marvel that the enormous trees in the neighbors yard across the street stay erect. They sway dangerously back and forth and if they were to dislodge themselves, somebody is going to lose a house or car. Glad they just had the trees thinned and branches cut back. I believe we would have experienced a real mess had that job been delayed!

This is the day to dry out the rugs, pillows and comforters. The sun is shining, its a little warm, (60 degrees) and get the car dried off darn fast!


Like Piglet said, "It's a Blustery day" and we all just need to hold onto our hats a little tighter and find an anchor point in case the wind get's too out of control.


Time to take an Oil of Olay bath before the rest of the skin flakes off!

Happy New Year! It's 2017

Mr. Man and I welcomed in the year 2017 together, joining friends for a party and evening of celebration, food, cards and wine. It really was a nice beginning. New Years eve is usually spent at our house, looking at each other and eating sausage balls until we fall asleep.

The last REAL New Years eve party we went to, we were confined to a couch and forced to watch the broadcast of the mirror ball fall in New York City. We only knew the hosts, so it made for awkward conversation as the evening lacked alcohol, music or any entertainment except watching the children bang on the pots and pans with spoons. We left at 12:02 a.m. What a lovely difference this years party provided and how much better ringing in the New year with beloved friends makes!

Since I have retired from hospital work, I no longer have to worry about working the holidays, waking up early or waiting for a call to come in. It's been the biggest change in my life so far. An enormous relief and freedom from the all encompassing anxiety that filled my days leading up to work, at work, or recovering from work. I have a new found love for the holidays. I no longer have to spend them away from Mr. Man or hear about the days events second hand. Best is not having to watch the Rose Parade broadcast in bits and pieces throughout the days replays in patient rooms.

Spending the holidays at home mean I get to take my time decorating and planning. Now that they're all over, I've taken my time taking down the many, many Christmas decorations and trees. There seems to be more time to carefully pack it all away neater and more efficiently. I left up the lights until the last  because they bring such delight to me. All of them were put on a switch that could be activated with a touch of one button. Best invention ever for light fanatics like myself!  I would turn all the lights on before leaving my bedroom so the light display greeted me first thing every morning and uplift my spirit! Lit garland garnished with sprigs of Virginia Pin berries were all over  the doorways. Piece by piece, I packed Christmas away, encouraging the Nutcrackers to peacefully slumber until next year and the Santa's to stop their kicking and be good little guys during their hibernation in the bins. The house always looks so barren after clearing off the shelves of the masses of holly and décor. It all gets a thorough cleaning and vacuuming before the everyday décor goes back. Amazing how much dust accumulates over a month!

Today, I was smugly satisfied that no trace of Christmas remained. Its all back up on the high shelves in the closets, or packed and stored in the roof of the garage. I did the final dusting and rearranging of the dining. The letter I write to myself every year which congratulates me for surviving another holiday was already written and packed. (note to you all- writing a self affirming and positive revue of the holidays is a must. I even draw myself diagrams and included photos or magazine ideas of how the decorations worked best or what to try for the next year.  p.s.- I was awesome this year!)
Then I saw it. A large black plastic footing from the tree which is stored the highest up in the rafters. How could this have been missed? It's a foot long and BLACK!!   NOW what to do? It has been mocking me from the countertop where I left it. I've decided to put it into a large ziplock, and affix it to the inside door of the closet where the tabletop decorations are kept, writing myself a note about it. I don't think there are any other bits or pieces left out but if there are, they will join the tree foot in its plastic bag!

My wish to you all, near and far, friend, family,  Blog reader, is this....That 2017 will bring you renewed joy, improved health, a light spirit and the ambition to  spread goodness and kindness to everyone you encounter. May you be blessed and well loved.

Happy New Year!