"BEETLEMANIA"

              

This is the summer that I have been terrorized by the Japanese beetle. . . you know. Those giant green and yellow beetles that have shells of rock, vary in colors of beautiful green and  serve no genuine purpose other than to scare the bejeebers out of those of us with bug phobias, and eat every flower and plant in its path.

Last summer I wrote about friends running widly into their car, burning rubber and driving madly away leaving me to fight off the Beetle alone. (still harboring feelings of abandonment Mrs. C!) Truly, I know it isn't going to eat me alive and cause me harm, but I assume it could change it's eating habits at any time and start craving blondes. All the same, it strikes terror into my soul and I switch to kill and bludgeon mode to keep the things off of me.

Yes. I've heard all about how saintly this beetle is. How beautiful it can be. How striking it is when flying and as big as a small hummingbird but much louder. . . . and yes, I have heard the stories about tying strings to its leg and using it as a kite, a parade balloon, riding along with it on your bike, etc.

This doesn't change my opinion of the bug.

The horrid things have turned my Crepe Myrtle tree into a beetle metropolis and the Ficus trees lining my back wall as the new nation of Japan.

I was looking into ways to obliterate the beetle easily and cheaply. I also don't want to coat my yard in pesticides as it hopefully is a haven and habitat for honey bees, butterflies and hummingbirds.

Turning to the reference of the mighty Internet, I have discovered the easiest way is to mix a solution of dishwashing liquid and spray it on the lawn in the spring to force the beetle grubs to the surface and become bird food. Too late for that one.

But get this. The most reliable, cost effective and easiest method to remove these beetles is to HAND PICK them off the trees and plants. I bloody don't think so! If I can't bear to have them buzz bombing me, I certainly am NOT going to touch them!~!!

So - I have been finding dozens of these beetles floating around in my pool every day, clinging to leaves and debris, pool floaters and sweeper hoses. They have spikey legs and are tough to make let go of a net. Because they tend to swarm towards me, and attack, I carry a skimmer net with me in the pool, using its handle as a bat and net to remove bodies, and refuse to get into the pool if any beetle remains floating around. After I get a nice grouping of the damn things, I throw them into the bucket of soapy water and abandon my net. Mr. Man's job is to rid us of their carcasses and empty the pool skimmer of them daily.

As I'm enjoying pool life and sunshine with friends, the beetles dive bomb me, and every one tells me they won't hurt me; however, they're screaming and running/swimming in each direction. One got caught in my hair. . . my worse nightmare, and wouldn't get off- no help from my "friends" poolside. Extracted myself apart from the beetle and began using my pool net as the Sword of Shannara, hacking at them and determined to beat them into a pulp. Somebody suggested I had anger issues, however, the "Somebody" had secured a safe spot to observe and be protected from beetle bombings far from the pool.

As we sat around the table eating al-fresco, a horrid beetle hit me in the back of the head, then proceeded to get its legs stuck on my tank top strap. Unable to flick it off myself and feeling it scratching to get uncaught, I plead for help from my table mates only to watch their mouths gape open screaming that it's on me, one choking on carrot bits, but no assist coming from them! Thankfully, Mr. Man rescued me, flicking the beetle off, bludgeoning it to death and telling me again, it is nothing. . . . only to see him scurry away from the secondary attack of beetle bombing on his way to the trash cans!

I would post a photo of the beetle here but can't bring myself to mar my blog post with it. After the recent traumas, I'm not watching the movie " Beetlejuice" again or listening to any BEATLES albums.

If you want to participate in a BEATLE MANIA, come on over. Not a fan but I scream like one!