Congratulations to my husband and I!
When we started our family, we knew we had some milestones to celebrate in the decades to come.
First birthday parties, music recitals, High school graduations, college graduations, empty nest. Raising a family in these days has become a navigational nightmare. You push the children to succeed, be independent and start their own families, all the while desiring them to stay put, never move further than a half day drive, be financially stable, and always want to spend time with their mom and dad over their own friends.
We have survived the marriage of both our daughters, less than 6 months apart.
Waiting and waiting and waiting years for at least one of them to commit and get married, and they both decide to do it months apart. At least it was in two different years!
During the planning months for the weddings, I never expected the children to do anything traditional or impulsive, and I have tried very hard not to badger them into something they weren't ready for. Marriage is a serious partnership . The person you marry is about to become your closest next of kin and family. (here's the prod to start producing grandchildren for us my girls).
Each daughter has her own opinion as to what marriage is to them. They also had their own vision about what kind of wedding they wanted. The men in their lives are as different as a strawberry and a radish. No surprise to find out they were on opposite ends of the spectrum as far as wedding ceremony and celebration, but in the end, I think they each had just about the most perfect of days representing their personalities that could be had.
I have to admit, Mr. Man and I got off easy as far as financial burden for a wedding and reception for both the girls. There was a whole lot of planning and logistical maneuvering to pull both weddings off on opposite sides of the United States, but we did it.
Half of my house was loaded into a moving truck to take to #1's wedding in northern California.
Her wedding was in Trinidad , where the Redwood Forest meets the Pacific Ocean. A non- traditional, outdoor ceremony , where bare feet were perfectly acceptable and sun block essential.
Number 2 married across the states in Pensacola , Florida and overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. A very traditional church wedding, formal attire required and heavy duty hairspray necessary.
The irony was not lost on us.
Mr.Man and I are very fortunate to have two daughters who are not drama queens, shy away from being the center of attention, and live within their means, and respect that their parents do the same. We are not a family of excessive fortune or boastful, prideful people. The girls planned their weddings based upon their individual personalities, and what would make the day special for them. Again, this made our situation so much easier when it came to wedding planning. We were not mortgaging the house to pay for anything.
I used to set up wedding receptions for a catering company. I've seen it all and felt as though I was prepared for disasters and set backs. No wedding is complete without something going awry.
I was prepared for family drama, anxiety attacks, wardrobe malfunction, catering problems, and well meaning guests doing rude or obnoxious antics,. Throughout both of our daughters events, we suffered high blood pressure, flu, shingles, and gastrointestinal problems.
I had packed an arsenal to deal with any setback that I could think of for both weddings.
We ran out of food.
We had too much food.
We had the wrong food.
We had no plates for food at one wedding and no forks.
Guests got lost or missed the wedding all together due to weather.
Reservations were lost by hotels and rentals.
Floral arrangements were delivered to the wrong place at the wrong time.
Hair and makeup is over rated.
Now that its all said and done, I feel as though I can impart some pretty sound advice to the parents of engaged couples and the wedding party.
Here's what I learned. . . . .
1. Don't try to control every second of the days surround the wedding event.
2. Always have a friend you can count on to help out in case of disaster, even if they are wearing their Sunday best and high heels!
3. Reassure the bride, that at the end of the day, no matter what, they are going to marry their best friend and partner.
4. Do not go broke or in debt to pay for any thing, and keep in mind that money will fly out of your wallet the day before and day of the wedding to "fix" any problem or issue. If you spent all your money beforehand, there won't be any left over for a "fix"!
5. If you're trying to impress friends and family with the cost of the wedding, they won't be. .
6. Accept that your child is marrying into another family. You don't have to be best friends with the in laws and outlaws. You DO have to be respectful of them and encourage a peaceful blend of the families. Your child is going to make their own traditions with their spouse. FACT
7. Learn the lyrics to "Let it Go" and make it your mantra.
8. It doesn't matter what any of the guests think. It's not their party. Do not be afraid to tell anyone to stay home if they cannot be supportive of the newlyweds. (this would include close relatives too!)
9. Wear comfortable shoes, even if they are flip flops.
10. Don't forget to kiss your own spouse and thank him/her for the day.
11. Tell your child how much they are loved and how happy you are that they are happy.
12. Pause often throughout the day and make a memory moment. Pat yourself on the back for getting through it all.
13. When things don't go quite right, smile and nod. The day will go on. All eyes are not watching every little nuance of the day. Whatever happens will probably not even be noticed. . . and if it is, own it, apologize if necessary and continue on. If the people at the wedding are judging you, well, lets just quote back to them, "Judge not lest thee be judged."
14. Pray. Thank God for the blessings of the day, the good and the bad, the memories and the opportunity to gather many people to celebrate and acknowledge the birth of a new family unit.
Yes. We survived. I feel as though I should get some sort of framed certificate for doing it twice in less than a year. It seemed so important to focus on wedding plans constantly and now that its over, the wedding is barely mentioned. I'm glad we didn't outlay the family fortune for the event. My gladness is my children have happy unions. May they last for their lifetimes and experience their own milestones with as much joy as their parents have.
